My WINGS Talk about my time in BK

WINGS Talk 2 Oct 2009
WINGS - Women Investigating & Nurturing their Gifts & Talents
I was asked to give a 5 minute talk about how I have been able to nurture my career during my time in Bangkok.

5 minutes about myself, WOW, that's a tough task for me, since I love to talk. The only way I could manage to come close to 5 minutes was to write it all down & read it to you. This is not my usual style, so please forgive me, but only way I could do 5 minutes.

If anyone had told me 9 months ago that I would be sitting here in front of you as an expat success story, I would have laughed at you or more likely cried. But I certainly would not have believed you. But here I am & how did I get here?

My professional background is in teaching & nursing. I'm a registered nurse having worked most of my career in community health as a school nurse, HIV/AIDS case worker, women's health, child health, maternity & childbirth educator. I was also very involved in my children's lives as a hockey, soccer & lacrosse Mom, helping to run & manage several of their teams & leagues. In my US life I was a very active & involved person.

When I learned we were moving to Asia, I was excited. This would be our first venture outside of the US & something we had always wanted to do. The timing was perfect. I dropped our youngest son at University & the next week boarded a plane for HK. Like most expats we didn't know if we would be here for 6 months or 6 years. I chose to take the 6 month mind set. I figured this might be a once in a lifetime opportunity, so I wanted to take full advantage of it. I became an experienced tourist & learned my way to places in HK that many natives had not seen. In less than 2 years I visited the Big Buddha more than 12 times, a fact that amazed the HK staff, since some of them had never been there. I was loving this new life!

After about a year the honeymoon ended. My 2 best friends left, my husband was traveling more, & I'd seen most of HK. I became lonely & depressed, spending way too much time wondering what my purpose on this earth was. I wouldn't say I was suicidal, but I think I could have been close.

When I learned we were moving to BK, I knew I had to change if I wanted to survive. I needed a different mindset. Instead of the 6 month mind set, I needed to take on the 6 year mindset. Instead of being a tourist, I needed to be a resident. Now I had to think, what do you need when you live somewhere? For me the answer was friends & meaningful activity. The friends part turned out to be relatively easy. I joined the AWC (American Women's Club) & immediately had 250 new friends from all over the world. I joined every activity they offered & as I met more people I learned about other groups & activities, like WINGS. I very quickly developed a group of wonderful friends.

To find meaningful activity (I'm not a shopper or coffee drinker) I had to step out of my comfort zone & do some begging. I let anyone who would listen to me know that I needed to find voluteeer work that in some way related to nursing. I was amazed at the number of great suggestions I received. But the one that grabbed me was the health center at the BK Refugee Center. I began working there 2 days a week last Spring. I didn't do much that required my nursing skills, but just being around the people there gave me a different perspective on life. These people who had so little I found to be inspiring & accepting. They made me feel so good. They actually were doing much more for me than I was for them. Now I had even more friends. As an extention of my work at the BRC, I recently started visiting a Somalian family at the IDC (Immigration Detention Center), but that's another story.

Around the same time last spring, a pregnant friend asked me to be her doula, childbirth support person. This was something I had thought about doing years ago, but with my kids & work had never followed through on. There happened to be a doula training class starting so I enrolled. I now discovered another group of friends through this wonderful group of women training to support other women. I was now embarking on a new but related career, something I could take with me where ever we live. Thru this group I am now teaching childbirth classes at a local hospital, I've assisted with some births, & regularly get calls from dads (got one last night) with questions about labor & breastfeeding. I feel needed & helpful.

In looking forward, I have a vision of combining my 2 new passions. Finding a way for the doula group & possibly other expat women to assist & support the refugee community. I believe that if expat women feel alone & in need of support, then certainly refugee women with far less resources must feel the same way. I'm working on connected pregnant refugee women with support people. This is just in the beginning stages, but I sent out a request for maternity clothes last week to help an African woman who is pregnant as the result of rape & was able to bring her a bag of clothing yesterday. Her smile of gratitude filled me with warmth & joy that she could feel a connection between herself & other caring women in BK. The feeling that she is not alone in this strange & foreign land. A feeling we all need & which I feel I have found.

Recently a Catholic friend whom I introduced to the IDC asked me if I was trying to gain sainthood through my activities. The thought of this made me laugh, I said NO, I am actually very selfish, I do these things for me, because they make me feel good, they give purpose & meaning to my life. These people have rescued me, I am not resuing them.

In closing, I want to give my deepest thanks to the many people who helped me be in this seat today. Your support & caring also rescued me. Kup Khun Ka!